Before this, I thought; 5 years and I'm still small fish swimming in the darkest part of an evergrowing pond. Now, I say the darkest corners are the only ones I deserve.
Worthless good-for-nothing shit, go die. Slit your throat and feed your blood to the sharks. If they'd even bother. You dare think light is worth shining on you? The smell of cut grass and soil after rain makes you sick. Even nature is against you. Go back to your hole, and if you ever think of sticking your head out again, think hard until you realise why you're in a hole in the first place.
I put on Full Moon Sway and stare up at the clouds which are almost a constant reminder that the beauty of the cosmos does not wish to present itself to those who seek it because they are weak.
I'm glad I kept a handful of resolve in a jar. It sits beside my jar of corneas. For safe-keeping because I'd loose it so willingly, like now.
Something happened, a realisation, that had almost nothing to do with the above despair. I AM NOW SO HAPPY LOLOLOLOOLLOL.